Mommy Wardrobe Malfunctions

Lately, I’ve found myself experiencing a certain “wardrobe malfunction.” It’s not that my pants aren’t fitting correctly or that components are breaking on me. It’s because I take care of two small children everyday. You see, I’m always running to the bathroom and rushing through the job because at the very moment that my body refuses to hold liquid any longer, one of my daughters decides there is some more urgent matter at hand. Because crying permeates through the bathroom walls, I am distracted while fastening up. The last time I went to my husband’s office, I spent several minutes making rounds, going from desk to desk to cheerfully say hello to his coworkers. Later while standing in front of the small crowd who had gathered to admire Lucy in my arms, I discovered that… my zipper was completely down, all the way. I couldn’t just zip up in front of everyone, so I strategically placed Lucy’s chubby leg across my shame. I thought to myself, “Well, at least I haven’t flashed the FedEx guy.” Many times since becoming a mom, I’ve recalled this magazine article. Fortunately, I just found it on the internet. (Google "Flashing the Fed-Ex Man," and you will find it.) In addition to making you laugh, this mother's account may help you cope with your next embarrassing mommy moment. And there will be one soon.

20 Questions With Lucy

Lucy and I just inadvertently played 20 questions. She is the last to have the bad cold that has plagued our house these past 3 weeks. Because she is all stuffy, she is pronouncing words differently. Usually pretty clear and intelligible with her speaking, today she is a little off with her words. Here's how it went down.

Lucy: (Walking up to Mommy) No-bulls.

Mommy: What honey?

Lucy: No-bulls.

Mommy: Are you saying 'balls?'

Lucy: No.

Mommy: Are you hungry or thirsty for something?

Lucy: No. (now sidetracked) I want some juice!

Mommy: (after juice is poured) Can you point to 'no-bulls?'

Lucy: (frustrated) No!

Mommy: Say it again.

Lucy: No-bulls.

Mommy: What color is it?

Lucy: Uh... green.

Mommy: Okay. Is it a toy?

Lucy: Yes.

Mommy: Alright. Is it in the closet upstairs? (No answer.) Is it downstairs?

Lucy: Yes.

Mommy: Where is it? Can you point to it?

Lucy: (Looks upward) Up there. Up at the ceiling. (Points to the light)

Mommy: (Thoroughly puzzled by now) Okay, you want a green toy that is up at the ceiling.

Lucy: Yes. No-bulls.

Mommy: Are you saying 'balls'? (No response) Is it a kind of ball?

Lucy: (pause) Yes.

Mommy: Is it inside or outside?

Lucy: Inside.

After all this information gathering, I am left with the following clues. She wants a green indoor toy up at the ceiling that is a kind of ball.
Can you guess what it is?

Finally, the "ball up there" part clicks and I get it.

Mommy: Oh! Are you asking for bubbles?

Lucy: (Elated) YES!! Bo-bulls. (says it better)

So we get out the bubbles, and she is happy to look at and pop the shimmering green balls, floating upward to the ceiling around the light fixture.